Honestly, this new job is a gift.  The kind that is really large and awkwardly shaped so you can’t wrap it and you just end up sticking a bow on it.  If I were religious, I’d say it was a blessing – but I’m not religious.  I get a pay raise, benefits, insurance, retirement, a solid forty hour work week and much more financial breathing room.  But aside from the obvious pros of having this job, there are a whole bunch of little things that I never really thought about but are really neat as well.  I also get my own business cards, a credit card, an unnecessarily large desk, a key to the building and much more sway over the happenings here at the library.  Some of the regular teens might call it “swag.”  If there was ever anyone that felt so unworthy of all this, it is me.  Let’s be honest, I’m really young and inexperienced in the “real world.”

So this all brings me to my big dilemma:  Should I continue writing this blog?  On the one hand I love doing it.  It gives me my own little corner of the internet where I can (mostly) anonymously vent about my job and entertain some people that I have never met.  Being able to say a Chinese reader got a laugh out of my blog is really something (and there is a man from China who reads this – you know who you are).  However, if you’ve been keeping up with the news the past few years, the dawn of work-blogging has gotten some people into hot water.  Some have been fired over their posts or have been punished.  While I do not believe that this is fair and that it violates a certain important constitutional amendment, it is reality.  The courts have been supporting bloggers’ free speech to some degree, but that does not mean that my employers won’t try to fire me if someone ever took offense to what I’ve written.  With my new job that will open up countless doors for me, it may be a risk that is not worth taking.

I haven’t made any final decisions yet.  What I would like is your feedback.  I know that many of you do not bother commenting on anything and that is perfectly okay with me (as long as you read, I’m happy), but this is different.  I value your opinions and urge you to share them with me via the comment link below.  Are you an “anonymous” blogger who has gotten noticed by your employer?  What is your opinion on the issue of blogging versus free speech?  Am I that awesome that these questions are even justified?  Tell me what you think.

I love writing this and I love the other blogs that I’ve found because of this.  I also love not getting fired over something as petty as this.

- Xerox

First up is Meth Lady.  She is always talking something crazy and earlier this week was no different. While I was back at the pick-up window slaving over a pile of card applications that needed to be checked, Meth Lady approached a coworker of mine at the checkout counter and started word-vomiting all over the place.  Apparently, she had just bought a new Swiffer mop and was super pumped about its efficiency.  She said something along the lines of, “I-just-bought-this-new-mop-that-cleans-my-floors-really-well!”  She then proceeded to grab a sheet of paper and draw a crude image of the mop, which happened to be of the Swiffer variety, to show to my coworker.  “These-work-really-great-I-should-buy-you-one!”

My coworker was obviously taken aback by the verbal assault and subsequent mop offer.  “No thanks,” she said. “You don’t need to buy me one.”  Meth Lady did not take this as an acceptable answer.

“N0-I’ll-buy-you-one-because-I’m-a-nice-person-and-that’s-what-nice-people-do,” continued the addict.

“No, my sister works at Wal-Mart and can probably just get me a deal on one. Thanks though.”  My coworker was praying to get out of this conversation. Once Meth Lady latches on to you she rarely let’s go.

“Well-I’ll-let-you-think-about-it-and-come-back-and-see-if-you’ve-changed-your-mind.”  She then rounded up her paraphernalia and left the building. I was worried that she might have been waiting in the bushes near our cars to ambush us with high-endurance cleaning supplies, but nothing of sort happened.  I can’t say I was disappointed.

Yep, that's my dad...

More recently, my role in the life of the Addams Family’s daughter has changed.  I am no longer employed by Jackie Chan and Kim Possible (if you reread the post I linked to above, you’ll understand what that means).  However, I am now the son of a member of the kiddie band The Wiggles. None other than Sam Moran is my father, according to this girl, and every night after I leave the library I fly back to Australia to see him and my baby sister. I’m not exactly sure how I ended up playing this role in the world she has created in her mind, but I play it with the best of them.

She is relentless in her questions about my relationship with Sam Moran and why I insist on putting pepper in his food so that he sneezes (Sam Moran is apparently allergic to pepper).  This has also evolved to her asking me to bring Mr. Moran into the library so that she can meet him, get his autograph and find out why her attempt to join the fan club failed.  I have told her many times that Sam Moran is allergic to books as well and has always steered clear of any place infested with pulp.  She does not see this as a valid excuse, probably because she doesn’t know what pulp is.  She also is under the firm belief that I am deathly afraid of alligators and has even brought in a toy alligator to “scare” me. In order to appease her, I fled out the side entrance in a panic (and, a the same time, fled from her).

This doesn’t end with me. Another worker at circulation has been tagged by her as Wags, the dog from The Wiggles television show. It’s really just some D-list actor dressed up in a dog suit, but no one has the heart to break it to her.  Anyway, she calls him wags all the time and insists on having him do dog-related things such as fetch.  One time she had me slap a post-it note onto his back that simply said, “WOOF!”  The other employees pray that they don’t somehow get wrapped up in her twisted mentality and they just go about their business without walking in her general direction.

I don’t blame them.

- Xerox

*Ring ring!*

Me: Thank you for calling (library), how may I help you?

Man: I’m not too good with technology. Maybe you can help me. I have this big ol’ cookbook with lots’a recipes in it from years back and I wanna make copies for others in my family. But the book is real long. Do ya’ll have a scanner there that can scan the whole book at once so I don’t have to do every page by itself?

Me: Well, we have two copy machines here, but no scanners. You’d just have to put the pages you want face-down on the glass and copy each one individually.

Man: So there isn’t nothin’ you can put the book into and just do it all once? I don’t wanna have to do every page.

Me: No, you’d just have to use a regular scanner and do the pages one-by-one.

Man: Hmm. I’ll think of something. Thanks.

I wish a magical box did exist that I could put things into and make complete copies of them.  That would be amazing and somehow defiant of the law of conservation of matter I believe.  Anyway…

*Ring ring!*

Me: Thank you for calling (library), how may I help you?

Man: Hi, I was wondering if you might know the answer to a question I have?

Me: I can give it a shot. *Hopes for a library-related question*

Man: Okay, there’s this food dish I’m trying to think of the name of.  It’s like chili, but it’s not chili. It’s similar to it, almost like a thick sauce that you’d add to other dishes for light flavoring.  Is there anyway you’d be able to find out what that is?

Me: *Brings up good old Google and starts typing in random phrases like, “chili-like food,” or, “things that are like chili.”*  Hmm… just give me a moment here while I check on the computer. *Eventually finds odd word that relates to a dish that looks sort of like chili.*  I think I found it.  Is it roux?

Man: Yes! That’s the one! Roux.  Okay, thanks a lot, sir!

Roux.  I’ve never tried roux before, but from the descriptions online, I’m not surprised that I haven’t had it.  I’m also not surprised that this phone call didn’t have anything to do with databases, books, DVDs or anything remotely related to what a library is for.  Moving on…

*Woman walks up to the desk*

Woman: Hi, I was wondering if you carried a particular book.

Me: Okay, what is it that you’re looking for? *Yes! A book related question!*

Woman: The book is called Beating the Sluts.

Me: Pardon?

Woman: It’s a book called Beating the Sluts. A friend said it was pretty helpful.

Me: Um… Okay.  I’ll check to see if we own it. *Checks*  Well, I’m not finding anything with that title in our computer system. *Checks Google*  I don’t see anything about a book with that title anywhere online either.

Woman: Are you sure? My friend just finished reading it but let someone else borrow it. I thought you all might have it.

Me: The closest thing I am finding to that title online is a book called Beating the Slots. It’s about slot machines and how to win.

Woman: Yes, that’s what I said.

Me: *Wants to hit her for lying* Huh, I must have misunderstood you.  We don’t own it here, you could try the next county or try getting it online.

Woman: Oh, okay. Thanks anyway. *Walks away confused*

Beating the Sluts would be an award-winning book, I’m sure.  However, I’m not surprised that we don’t own a gem like Beating the Slots. I wonder how she mixed that up?  Here’s one more for good measure.

*Teen male approaches the desk*

Bro: Can you show me where the biographies are?  I have a paper due soon and I need to find some books on someone.

Me: Sure, follow me. *Walks to biography section* Does your paper have to be on anyone in particular or a certain type of person?

Bro: Nah, it can be on anyone.  We just have to do research and type like five pages.

Me: Okay. Well, presidents always have lots of information on them.  Same with sports stars or prominent figures in history such as Martin Luther King, Jr. or Mother Teresa.

Bro: I wanted to find someone current and popular that wouldn’t be boring to write about.

Me: *Mental face-palm* Okay, are you into sports at all or a famous actor?

Bro: No… *Browses shelves for a moment* Here it is! Sanjaya!

Me: Sanjaya?

Bro: Yeah, Sanjaya Malakar. The singer from American Idol! This will work. Thanks!

What has reality television done to our youth? Mother fucking Sanjaya over MLK?  Our country is dying a slow, painful death. I think our politicians should start pushing for IQ tests before child-bearing and sterilization of the bottom denominator. Is that too harsh?

- Xerox

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110216/ap_on_hi_te/us_teacher_suspended_blog

I’ve always known that people can get into trouble for what they say – and not just online. However, I think this particular case is pretty interesting. I do not list names of people involved in my stories nor do I post photographs of patrons, coworkers, etc. I believe that is out-of-bounds and certainly a sure way to get yourself into trouble. Ms. Munroe began writing a similar blog in the same month I started writing mine (August of 2009) and decided she was going to vent her frustration regarding the state of today’s youth. She anonymously ripped many of her lackluster students a new one and pointed out how lazy, unmotivated and entitlement-filled they are (while not listing anyone by name). Evidently, some of her students found out about it and presented the blog to the administration which got Munroe into some trouble. Initially, they suspended her with pay. But now she may lose her job because of it.

I just got out of college and not too long before that I was in high school. I vividly remember what it was like in both places. While I can’t say that I was Mr. Perfect in either institution, I can safely claim being driven by a desire to succeed and mostly enjoyed learning. While what Munroe says about her students is not true of every teen to pass through the halls of high school, I agree that she is right about the large majority of them. I witnessed it. In high school, as a senior aide to the freshman class, I routinely saw kids not giving a damn, arguing with teachers, misbehaving in class and displaying their general ignorance as well as their high qualifications for McDonald’s and the local gas station. College wasn’t much better. My peers bitched about having to write a four-page paper or about that multiple-choice test that was coming up. People skipped class frequently and often mouthed off to professors. I thought college was supposed to be a more mature and academic setting than the free-for-all that was my high school but I was pretty disappointed in the people there. On one hand, it gave all the competent people a chance to really shine and stand out from all the idiots who were just there to coast by. On the other hand, these are the people who are about to enter the work force, and it was scary how dumb they all were.

But more to the point, should the should administration take any action? Online interactions between teachers and students are a pretty new thing and it’s even newer for a teacher to blog about her job and have her students stumble upon it. Personally, I think the school should uphold her right to free speech. I bet you my meager wage that if a student had blogged negatively about their life in school, nothing would have happened to them. No suspensions, no detention, no extra homework. Absolutely nothing. And their peers would have applauded them for it. That’s really the issue. Munroe was simply voicing her opinion on the material she has to work with at her job, and however unprofessional that may seem, she has a first amendment right to say what she wants. Somehow I doubt the school will side with her as a bunch of angry parents notice their child’s existence for the first time in years and start speaking up.

This makes me wonder what would happen if some patron discovered this blog and realized it was about them or someone they knew. Would I get fired? Would I be punished with no raises or lack of promotions? A few additional crappy responsibilities added to my list of things to do at work? You’d think a library of all places would recognize the right to free speech of one of its employees, but I think their motivation to have positive press and to put the patron first would outshine this idea. I’d probably be dead in the water. I’ve said some pretty offensive stuff on here. Half of me is scared by this new precedent that has been developing such as Munroe’s situation. But the other half of me thinks that if some patron comes out and says, “Hey, this story about that guy shitting in the computer chair was about me! I’m offended!” then everyone would just point out the fact that the guy just drew a lot of attention to their lack of bowel control and they would have been better off not saying anything at all and bottling up their shame and embarrassment. But we all know that’s not how the world works.

Here’s hoping that the anonymity of my blog keeps me out of trouble. And to Ms. Munroe – I hope you win your case.

- Xerox

How are you doing today?  Do you still live at 123 Easy Street?  You do? Okay, good.  Oh, looks like you have a $6.00 fine.  Would like to pay that today?  What’s it for?  I’ll show you.  Here are the dates and times that you checked out these six books, when they were due, and what date/time you returned them late.  What’s that?  These aren’t books you would’ve checked out?  Well, based on your borrowing history, these seem to fall in line with items you typically check out.  It also looks like these books were checked out just over a month ago on the same day you paid that last overdue fee you mentioned a moment ago.  Excuse me?  You say that you are seldom ever late?  According to your payment history, I would be inclined to disagree with you.  You would like these fines waived?  Well, in the past we have waived quite an excessive amount of late charges, so I will not be able to remove any more.  Pardon? You think that someone else has been using your account?  Have you been in possession of your library card for the past year?  Okay, good.  So you’ve never lost your card or had to report it stolen?  No… okay.  Is there anyone else in your family that you allow to use your card?  Oh, you live alone?  Okay, then.  Well, you essentially just admitted to having your card on you all times and being the only person who uses it, which narrows the list of suspects down to… let me see here… you!  So pay up, mother fucker!

The above is a typical conversation that I have with people who are trying to wiggle out of late charges even though it’s obvious they are lying (minus that last line – I don’t want to be fired).  Aside from the futility of their excuses, you should have noticed from the suggestions and comments I was making that we know a scary amount of information about you and we rarely let that information go (see bigamy post below).  When I scan your card, I know the following about you:

- Name, birth date, address, phone number and email

- What you have checked out at the moment

- How many times you have ever checked out/the last time you checked out

- How often you pay late charges/get late charges waived

- When you registered for your card and which branch you did it at

- Whether or not you typically pick up items you put on hold

- How many times you have claimed to have returned a book when you haven’t really returned it

- If you’ve ever been reported to the credit bureau

- If you have ever been to mediation court

- Any fun nuggets of wisdom/heads up notices that my coworkers have put in your account as warnings to other workers about your behavior such as if you are evasive, obnoxious, rude, angry, mean, hateful or abusive to staff

- What you typically check out based on your payment history

- Your parent’s name if you are a minor

- Access to any information on people who also live at your address if need be

As you can see, we know an unsettling amount of information about you and in some cases can use it against you.  And we are just a library.  Imagine what other establishments are recording about your activities.  Any time you call in an order to a restaurant, sign up for any rewards/frequent shopper program, or open an account with pretty much any agency,  you are giving up more than you know.  That is all.

- Xerox

Bigamy (n) – the act of entering into a marriage with one person while still legally married to another

Now, I can’t be 100 percent sure what occurred in the following story was actually a case of bigamy unfolding before me, but I am pretty certain based on the circumstances and the reaction from the woman I was speaking to.  It might be a bit confusing so read carefully.

A woman came in with her daughter one day and wanted to get a replacement library card for her husband’s account.  She provided me with the man’s ID, so I figured it was enough to simply issue a new card to the account per my boss’s direction.  I looked up the account and found that this man, who we will call Mr. Smith, had a large fine.  Since Mr. Smith’s fine was so large, I could still replace the lost card but it could not be used at all.  The woman, who we will call Mrs. Jones (apparently she did not share the same last name as her husband), was not pleased and said that her daughter just needed to get some books and they had come hoping to check some out on Mr. Smith’s account.

Are you keeping up okay?  Anyway, I suggested that Mrs. Jones get a card.  She did not have her ID with her, so I offered to check and see if either of them already had an existing account in the computer system that they may have just forgotten about.  Mrs. Jones did not have one but her 12 year-old daughter did from about eight years ago.  The daughter also had a large fine.  Mrs. Jones swore to me that there was no way her daughter had a library card because she, being the mother, had never signed for one.

This is where it gets interesting.  When children obtain library cards, we enter a guardian’s name into their account in case we need to collect large fines or resolve some issue.  There was indeed a guardian listed on this girl’s account and her name was – get ready for it – Mrs. Smith.  If that sounds familiar it is because the husband of Mrs. Jones is named Mr. Smith.  Mrs. Jones said she was not familiar with the name.   I explained to her that only the parent or legal guardian can sign for a child’s card and asked her if she knew this woman or had a name change in the past.  She did not know of a Mrs. Smith nor had she had a name change.  “I’m her mother!” the woman cried.  “I have no idea who that is!”

As I was having this exchange with Mrs. Jones, my boss hopped on a computer nearby and looked up this alleged “Mrs. Smith.”  Mrs. Smith had a library card from years ago that also carried a hefty fine.  But more interesting about this woman was that the address listed on her account matched that of Mr. Smith and where Mrs. Jones claimed to be living currently.  This information was rather confusing to Mrs. Jones.  How could someone with another name have lived at her house and signed for her daughter’s library card?  After a little more discussion, it dawned on Mrs. Jones. Her eyes went wide, her face turned red and she said, “Oh, shit…”  She grabbed her daughter’s arm and dragged her out of the building hurriedly, leaving my boss and me behind to wonder what the hell just happened.

From what I could gather from the rest of the conversation and the circumstances (and from filling in some of the gaps), Mrs. Jones was not Mr. Smith’s first wife.  Mr. Smith was still married to Mrs. Smith and the two had lived together at a certain address years ago.  Whilst living together, Mr. Smith was seeing Mrs. Jones on the side and was pretending not to be married already.  One day while the young daughter was visiting Mr. Smith, Mrs. Smith took her to the library and signed for a card.  Somehow or another, Mrs. Smith moved out but never divorced Mr. Smith.  Mr. Smith ended up marrying Mrs. Jones illegally and had her move in to the same place he shared with his first wife unbeknownst to either of the women.

I don’t know if I should feel bad that I was the source of all this information for Mrs. Jones or not.  How odd is it that she would find out about her illegal marriage and two-timing husband from some old records at a public library?  I was the mouthpiece for her husband’s immoral history and caused her life to come crashing down on her.  That look of realization on her face was one of the most sincere “oh shit” moments I have ever seen.  And her daughter, unfortunately being too young at the time to know better, had no clue what the fuck was going on.

I feel like I broke up a marriage (or a “marriage”).  When that woman went home that night, Mr. Smith was in for the marital fight of his life.  Sucks to be a sleazy bastard.

- Xerox

I’ve probably stressed it before that if Scraggles spends only a fraction of his computer time to finding a job, he’d probably not be freezing each night as he waits for the library to be open again.  Instead, he chooses to stare at things like Farmville literally for entire days.  His eyes glaze over and he repeatedly comes up to the reference desk to ask for extensions in usage time.  Since we’re never usually so busy that people are waiting for computers to open up, his time is always extended without question.  Never have the wrath of a homeless Farmville addict directed at you.

So, last night I was covering the reference desk for a while and he came up and got his time extended.  The employee who extended his time waited until he walked away and then turned her computer screen so I could see it.  On it was his total computer time for the day, which shouldn’t have surprised me.  However, I was taken aback and realized that he uses the computer for that length of time almost every single day of his life.  Below is a screen shot of his computer time.  He was actually on longer than what the image reflects by about five minutes.  Wow.

Almost 12 hours without stopping (Courtesy of S.V.)

Just shake your heads in disbelief and be thankful you are not him.

- Xerox

So what exactly happens at this drive-through?  Well, normally people put some things on request, get notified that they are available to pick up and then are too lazy to get out of their cars and walk to the counter.  Instead, they pull up to the side of the building where the window is located and toss their library card into an extendable drawer.  Then the person working at the window hunts down their holds and the driver leaves satisfied (usually).  Rinse and repeat.  But there have been more than a few occasions where some pretty bizarre stuff has gone down back at the “window” as we call it (barring the strangeness of the existence of the window itself).

One day I was sitting back at the window processing a crap load of holds.  When we aren’t helping lazy patrons get their holds, we sit back there with a full six-tiered cart or two of items waiting to be processed.  At one point a car pulled up to the window, so I got up and greeted them and asked what I could do for them as I always do.  The man in the car said, “You all called me and said I had a book on hold.”  This is a pretty typical statement, so I didn’t think much of it.  I scanned the guy’s library card and looked for some indication in his account that there was, indeed, a book available.  The account was empty.  No fines, nothing checked out, no strange notes.  Just to be sure, I checked our hold shelves to see if we had anything for the man, but we didn’t.  I put his card back in the drawer and slid it out to him.

“Sir, I checked the shelves to be sure, but there doesn’t seem to be anything on hold for your account,” I said.

Before I could even finish my statement, the man started shaking his head, laughing in one of those I-can’t-believe-this-shit-is-happening sort of ways and replied,”Then why are you all calling me?”  It was more of a threat than a real question.

“Are you sure you didn’t get a call from another library system nearby?” I asked.

“No, this is the only library I use. And no one else in my family has card.”  He was now accompanying his sarcastic speech with broad arm gestures.

“Well, what was the item you were looking for?  I can see if we have a copy checked in.” I offered.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“What was the item you requested?” I replied.

“I didn’t ask for anything.  But you all called me and said you had something for me!”  He frustratingly flung his hands upwards.  Then, with a shake of his head, he drove away.

Just think about that for a second.  He allegedly received some phone call from some library stating that he had put something on request (when he claims he didn’t) and then drove to my library looking for it.  When he didn’t receive the item that he never requested, he got angry and drove away.  I’m not even mad about this incident.  I’m just disappointed in his stupidity.

When a driver pulls up to the window, there are signs stuck to the glass that indicate the hours of operation and the spot is also clearly designated as “Hold pick-up only.” However, some people fail to realize this (or even read the signs).  A woman pulled to the window one day, so as always I slid the drawer out to catch her library card and greeted her.  Instead of giving me her card or saying she had something waiting for her, she said,”Do you all have any copies of Harry Potter in?” At this point there were about three other cars waiting behind her.

“Did you have one of the books on hold?” I asked.

“No, but I was looking for one of the Harry Potter books, but I’m not sure which one.  Can you tell me which ones you have in?” She obviously had no idea what the window was for.

“Ma’am, this window is for hold pick-up only.  If you need reference assistance, you can come inside and speak to one of the assistants.”  Disappointment ensues.

“You mean you can’t just go grab a copy of the book and give it me?”  She failed to remember that she didn’t even know which of the seven Harry Potter books she wanted.  “I’m in a hurry,” she continued, also failing to realize that there were cars behind her who were also probably in a hurry and who also probably understood what the window’s purpose was.

“Like I said, this window is for hold pick-up only and there are other people waiting behind you.  Please come inside.” I’m sure she could read the look of utter disdain on my face.

“I don’t really have time for that,” she said.  Then she sped off, ignoring the yield sign at the end of the driving path as another car slammed on their brakes to avoid colliding with her.  So, she had time to stop and argue with a library clerk.  She also had enough time to sit there and wait while I went and searched for Harry Potter books if I had done so.  But she didn’t have enough time to do anything herself.  Hmm…

There have been a few occasions when the line of cars waiting to be helped by the window operator was so long (which is a tragedy in itself) that people have gotten out of their cars, shimmied between the other cars and building up to the window, pounded on the window and demanded to know what was taking so long.  Instead of just walking inside to the empty front counter they sit idling in their cars as they grow increasingly restless.  Once a car broke down while it was sitting at the window and had to be pushed out of the way so traffic could flow normally.  Another time, someone illegally parked in front of the window during a busy day and acted surprised to learn she couldn’t park in an area blocking traffic and halting library business.

Another odd thing about people who use the window is that they can’t stand it when the window isn’t open.  It is obviously not going to be in operation when the library itself isn’t even open, but we also close it down 30 minutes before the library closes to free up someone for closing duties.  There have been many mornings when, about 30 minutes to an hour before we open the front doors, cars are already parked outside the window waiting for service.  We can see through the blinds enough to know that whoever is sitting out there is furious that they can’t get their hold(s) during hours when the library isn’t even operating (hence the signs on the glass stating hours of operation).  Other times, whoever is the window operator will close things down to go help with other duties and cars will pull up (again, ignoring signage) and honk their horns at the closed window, also known as the bane of their existence.  They act as if we are conspiring against them so that they can’t watch the latest kid-focused action adventure starring Brendan Fraser.

I wish I could say that the library where I work wasn’t busy enough to justify having a drive-through hold pick-up window.  But, alas, it is.  Sometimes I feel like I work at fast-food place, which I vowed many years ago to never do.  Not that there’s anything wrong with working at a fast food joint, it’s just not my idea of a promising career (despite whatever McDonald’s may say).  Each day I sit back there processing holds and enabling patrons to be as lazy as possible is another day that a small shred of hope left in my soul is painfully ripped out.  Which makes me glad that I don’t believe in souls.  It doesn’t do one any good to dwell on such matters.

- Xerox

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,800 times in 2010. That’s about 7 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 46 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 70 posts. There were 49 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 28mb. That’s about 4 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was August 31st with 119 views. The most popular post that day was Other library blogs.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, shushie-librarian.blogspot.com, 1000awesomethings.com, touch.facebook.com, and en.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for libraryfail.wordpress.com, libraryfail, libraryfail.wordpress, trash can library donations, and libraryfail.wordpress.org.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

Other library blogs August 2010

Creation: The lunatics are running the asylum December 2010

Only children’s librarians can prevent forest fires May 2010
5 comments

The daily griiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind March 2010
1 comment

Crazy Patrons January 2010

One teen is and was the bane of most of the circulation department’s existence.  I’ll call him Hold Kid.  He is constantly coming up to the desk saying, “Do I have any holds in yet?”  That might not seem so bad and normally it wouldn’t be, but his high-pitched voice and repetitive inquiries make him a well-known nuisance.  When he was about ten, he used to come up to the desk five or six times in a three-hour period to see if any holds came in for him while he was out causing the children’s department grief.  “Our hold deliveries come at about ten in the morning, so chances are that nothing new has gotten here in the last 20 minutes.” I’d say.  That never seemed to matter, as he would continue to check each time he wandered by our desk.  “Holds please?” or “Has anything new come in?” or “Has that Sonic DVD gotten here yet?” would echo in my head as I slept at night.  One of the first conversations I ever had with him went something like this:

Me: Can I help you?

Hold Kid:  Can you check and see if my Sonic DVD came in it’s the one where Doctor Robotnik takes over and Sonic and Knuckles have to team up to take him down and this one time I played a game where you had to be Sonic and make it through this one level real fast or you would lose and have to start all over again hey I think I am supposed to have two things in can you check for me it might be another Sonic thing I hope it is because I have been waiting on that for a week now is anything there.?!

This onslaught of Sonic info hit me like an upper octave woodwind instrument with a broken reed.  But Hold Kid is not the worst of them all.

The Rivalry Brothers, as I’ll call them here, are much worse than Hold Kid.  These two boys both have a slight mental handicap, but it’s not something that inhibits them from being the most annoying people on Earth.  They are loud, rude, demanding and just generally biggest rivals that ever set foot on library property.  They both love Sonic, Mario, Wii games and Pokemon – which is a huge plus for our circulation statistics.  The problem is that they both love Sonic, Mario, Wii games and Pokemon.  So much so that they will fight over who gets to checkout which DVDs or games even though they are all going to the same house.  If one returns a DVD, they try to do it quickly in hopes that the other won’t be able to check it out after them.  It kills them to know that the other gets to watch what they watch.  One time, they got into a fist fight right in front of me over a Super Mario Bros. DVD.  I’m filled with dread each time they walk up to the counter and one says, “Hey, gang!  I’m back!”  Though the Rivalry Brothers are still rather loud these days, they have calmed down a bit with age.  The younger of the two will often apologize for how rude his brother can be and the older one is sometimes less angry about his requests not being in yet.  So has there ever been a nuisance who matured?  Why, yes.  I’m glad you asked.

Recently, a regular teen has surprisingly leveled out.  Coworkers will know him by his band of motley friends and his winter hat (no matter what season it is).  I think after he got sick all over our carpet and group of staff helped him and expressed care toward him, he decided to be less of a dick and calm the fuck down.  I don’t really have a good nickname for him.  We all just call him by his actual name (which I won’t list here).  Throughout my time at the library, he has been coming into the library solely because he has nowhere better to go.  He can’t drive and all the cool places to hang out are too far away to walk to.  Instead of going to the skate park, he uses our parking lot and nearly causes fatal car accidents when the weather is warm.  He also plays “hide and yell obscenities” with our normal patrons in the stacks.  He is an expert marksmen with a rubber band shooter and knows how to chuck paper wads with lethality.  He has broken many a rule and somehow still has his library privileges.  Or at least, he used to do all that.  I don’t see him quite as often since he displayed his projectile vomiting skills and when I do, he doesn’t really do anything wrong.  I guess it just goes to show that one act of kindness on our part can really impact the patrons.

Maybe it’s a sign, but all of the patrons above are boys.  I honestly can’t think of a young girl who has caused us any real, recurring problems.  Yeah, we’ve had to break a couple of potential baby-making sessions and possible first kisses in the stacks, but I never see those girls again.  I really hope I didn’t cause someone as much grief as the boys above do when I was younger.

- Xerox